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Quad’s Breakdown On Last Night’s Episode Of Married To Medicine Hit Too Close To Home

Quad's Breakdown

ATLANTA, GA – JUNE 27: Quad Webb-Lunceford attends ‘Bossip On WE’ Atlanta launch celebration at Elevate at W Atlanta Midtown on June 27, 2017 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Marcus Ingram/Getty Images)

Given Quad Webb-Lunceford’s run on Married to Medicine, it’s hard to feel a lot of sympathy for her most of the time. However, her breakdown on Sunday night’s episode was a very real moment that a lot of Black women can certainly identify with.

The resident diva of the cast has been keeping to herself for much of the season thus far, but recently she finally showed her face at Dr. Heavenly’s Crab Boil. Quad was initially grilled about her absence from all of the cast’s social gatherings and if you know anything about the Bravo reality star, you know her M.O. is to deflect and blame. Quad certainly held true to that pattern, but the façade eventually cracked and she couldn’t keep her pain to herself anymore. Quad was reduced to a blubbering mess on TV as she talked about the struggle to save face in the midst of all of her marital troubles.

Quad admitted that she best deals with things on her own, which has left her castmates feeling completely shutout. The 38-year-old normally tries to keep her image together at all costs, but she had a moment that plenty of Black women have had. That moment when all of the struggle on your shoulders has become too much and you don’t know how to keep moving forward or cry out for help so you just suffer in silence. The Bravo-lebrity told her castmates that she was at her wits end trying to keep a strong face for the world in the midst of her marriage falling apart.

It happens a lot with Black women. Maybe we’re not in Quad’s exact situation, but many of us have been where she is. We’ve tried our best to steam roll through hard situations in life that eventually bring us to our knees. But why do we keep allowing ourselves to go through this?Why are we still trying to live up to the impossible archetype of the strong Black woman?

Typically, we are held up as the strongest women in the world. We’re expected to be hit with all of the blows that life can throw at us and to keep pushing forward anyway. That paints a picture of someone who is inherently impervious to painful situations–maybe even a little oblivious to them. Many of us take some measure of pride in that characterization of the strong Black woman; so much so that we invest a lot of our identity into that image. So when we come up against something like divorce, or depression, or burnout, or any number of other things, we’d rather let them take us down before we reach out to our loved ones for help.

Seeing Quad reveal that she has been struggling to keep a brave face while she’s going through a divorce and dealing with reports of her husband’s infidelity, hit home. It reminded me of every time someone asked me how I’m doing while getting over a breakup. I would tell people that I was OK, even though I knew I had just been crying before I left home. It reminds me of the times I would tell people that I was doing fine when I knew that I was so stressed out about work I hadn’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in months. It reminded me of the moments when I would have to pull myself together and dry my eyes after having an honest moment with myself when I got home. There were times when I would sit and sort out my emotions so that I could come to terms with the fact that I was not OK, and I didn’t know what to do next or who to turn to. Moments like that can leave you feeling completely lost if you think you have to get through them on your own because you’re a strong Black woman.

It’s a hard place to be. Doubly so when you learn that your coping mechanism has isolated others who you care about. Despite some of her more dramatic antics on the show, I really felt bad for Quad in this moment on Sunday’s episode. To go through this on camera, then to admit you’ve wronged others (intentionally or not) and apologize for it? That was probably Quad’s strongest moment on Married to Medicine.

Believing that we need to handle everything on our own, in order to appear strong, does us an emotional and psychological disservice. Trying to live up to that archetype actually hurts us in the long-run. Learning to break that habit can take years. Somehow, we’ve been convinced that being strong equates to never needing help, but that’s wrong. One of the hardest lessons that I have ever had to learn in life is that everyone needs help. Everyone. No one has ever made it through life alone. So, you need to surround yourself with people who love you. You need them in the hard times just as much as you do in your happiest moments–if not more.

Even strong people need help. The Dora Milaje move as a unit. They might be the strongest women in Wakanda, and the fiercest warriors, but they need each other for the hardest mission. They recognize that strength alone is not enough for the biggest battles, they need their sisters in arms to achieve victory. It would serve us all well to remember that.