During an interview with radio personality Angie Martinez, Atlanta rapper T.I. discussed his recent separation from songstress Tameka “Tiny” Harris. He explained that while he and his estranged wife are on good terms (which is great), he would make a “better best friend than a husband.”
I commend his honesty. However, I don’t quite understand his comments.
“It seems to me that marriage and what marriage means and what marriage does — it’s just one of those things that’s going to distract me and deter me. And that could be selfish, but ultimately, I’m the patriarch of this family,” the rapper said. He goes on to state that with the goals he has for himself, he doesn’t have time to be a “thoughtful and considerate” husband.
Initially, I thought that his comment about marriage being a distraction was an excuse for his role in the separation or that his marriage is distracting him from sleeping with other women. While I still have those thoughts, his comments did make me think about whether or not a marriage could really be a distraction and what it’s supposedly distracting a person from.
I would assume that many people could feel that marriage has held them back from success, which can’t be T.I.’s reason since Tiny has held him down before he gained any. But in some cases, I can see how a married man or woman might feel that way. For most, marriage comes first, and there’s not much both parties do without consulting the other. So if there are things you want to accomplish that you feel could be a hindrance to that union, you might feel like it’s no longer worth it.
However, after experiencing past dating relationships and analyzing my own marriage, I’ve come to the realization that any “distractions” should not occur after jumping the broom. Honestly, people should already know what they’re getting into when they decide to take that step. Anything you don’t accomplish after the fact is, to me, your own fault.
I had two opportunities to choose my relationship over chasing my career; one boyfriend wanted me to change colleges to be with him (I politely declined) and in another relationship, I packed up and moved to a different state to further my career. While both relationships were important to me, I chose not to make them a priority over my career. However, when I built a relationship with my now-husband, what he have became the most important thing.
So is marriage really a deterring distraction from your goals or is it the person you decided to marry?
Before getting hitched, a person should iron out necessary details for their own life. Career goals, a stance on family planning, ultimate life goals and other strong desires are paramount. After that, you have to figure out if the person with whom you want to share your life complements you, any of your goals or your overall life plan.
So if you ask me, yes, marriage can be a distraction, but with the right person, it can be a great distraction. The right partner can help you grow (aid in better decision making, be a support system, etc.) and distract you from nonsense that can stifle your progression.
A strong marriage is one that has two people who have common objectives. They both are in constant communication about how they plan to achieve shared goals and continuously work diligently to make it happen.
In an article “Are relationships a distraction from achieving your dreams?” the author mentioned a quote by actor Will Smith regarding his marriage to Jada Pinkett Smith: “If you don’t have a goal, if you don’t have a purpose for your relationship, you can get lost in the murk of the journey.”
Marriage is a journey that should propel and fulfill each person. So if you’re calling it a distraction, one keeping you from being happy, the issue is most likely personal and not with your partner.
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